What the fuck is up with Nestor Carbonell?

Just got back from The Dark Knight, which is great, blah blah. BUT! What the fuck is up with Nestor Carbonell? Nestor, who is one of The Others on Lost, and was also on Suddenly Susan (will anyone but me admit to having watched that but me?), has about a dozen lines as Gotham's Mayor. Which I had a hard time focusing on because of his CRAZY EYES.


Hey ALWAYS, ALWAYS looks like he has on too much eyeliner. I used to just think the makeup people on Lost decided that guyliner is ominous, and in light of Pete Wentz's continued existance, I somewhat agree. But, the above is just him out somewhere normal. AND he has it in The Dark Knight. Does he have that shit tattooed on? Does he insist on wearing it in all productions? Like he thinks it's his trademark look or something (Fonzi - leather jacket, Hillary - pantsuit, Nestor Carbonell - inexplicably pronounced eyeliner)? Is he an Egyptian prince, perhaps? Is this some kind of crazy naturally occuring phenominon? Carbonellisis? Nestor's Eye? Please, Jesus, someone help me out.

New Electric Company?

Ex - - citing. Exciting! I was pleasantly surprised to see this notice tacked up in Manhattan the other day saying that there's a new version of 1970s kidstraviganza "The Electric Company" in production. Did we all know this was happening already? I didn't, a little Googling turned up next to nothing. I just feel like I've stumbled upon a fantastic discovery, like when I found that my copy of All Things Must Pass had a gigantic poster of George Harrison inside. Please don't destroy this feeling, it's all I have.

There was, for some reason, a poster above the usual parking notice with further explanation. This is something the producers at Law & Order and Gossip Girl don't feel the need to do, but I guess everyone at Sesame Workshop takes their social responsibility seriously. Text in part is below.

"Sesame Workshop is launching a new season of The Electric Company this year on PBS. We are excited to be reviving a missed children's educational televison series that was very popular in the 1970s. Similar to the original series, the new series strives to encourage the language and vocabular development for children age's [sic] six to nine."

You might want to exert a bit more quality control over these location department notices guys - a grammatical error and an overall lack of verve? Tsk, tsk.

"The hammer is my penis"

Please go and watch this now. Actually it might be gone soon, so you may have to buy it on iTunes, or beam it from the Oort Cloud, or whatever form of media acquisitive is in vogue and the moment you're seeing this. It's "Dr. Horrible," the amazing musical adventures of the evil in one man's heart. Masterfully performed by Neil Patrick Harris, and amazingly put-together, as usual, by the most amazing geek alive, Joss Whedon. Download it to your retinal implants post-haste.

Wild abandon

It's not often that I am totally totally blown away by a show, but I gotta admit that this Ponytail/Woods/Pocahaunted/Pink Reason show the other day totally sauteed my brain. Pocahaunted and Pink Reason were a little spacey for me - I told some guy that Pocahaunted reminded me of Double Leopard while I was in line for the bathroom, and he made a face like "whhaaa?" and I was totally embarrassed, and then while I was peeing I realized that I meant The Double and not Double Leopard, but instead of bursting out of the bathroom and shouting "THE DOUBLE!" which I seriously considered, I just let it go.

Anyway, Ponytail and Woods were the total standouts. Woods, who look a little geeky (no offense, dudes), make this psych/indierock hybrid, where they'll be in a pretty standard rock/pop song model, and then just kind of freak out for about three minutes. Also, the singer sings in this crazy falsetto that was emotional sometimes and just really nutty other times. But I really liked them.

PONYTAIL, though. Ponytail are sweaty dance magic. Ponytail are a non-cynical !!! fronted by Bjork singing in the style of Sigur Ros. Ponytail is noise music with a melody that you can dance to. It's psychadelic music you can listen to without sitting down. It's dance music that isn't boring or annoying. It's rock music that isn't boring or annoying. I was about 5 beers and into the evening by the time they came on, but I could not stop dancing, I could not stop having fun, I could not stop being not depressed, and that's a pretty neat trick.

THANK Y'ALL FOR VOTIN

If you'd asked me if I had anything approaching expectations of quality when I first started drunkenly watching NBC's Nashville Star 10 minutes ago, I would have laughed. Ridiculous, as I expect nothing but total and utter boring, derivative shit. How could Nashville Star actually disappoint someone who expected so very little from it? Well, brothers and sisters, I can report that this show actually fails to meet even the most modest expectations of televised entertainment. The look on Jewel's face as she tries to mentor these slithering aspiring fameballs says it all. "JESUS," it seems to say, "How have you managed to get yourself in a position to have a multi-platinum musician who despite her book of cheerleader-depth poetry actually was somewhat interesting in some way at a point in time not all that long ago (me) despite your utter lack of performing or vocal skills? Like FOR REALZ." And I would, just this once, have to agree with Jewel's face.

Jess, for real, stop talking

So there's been a lot of Jessica Alba on TV lately; HBO just started showing the second Fantastic Four movie, and right!now!, the SciFi Channel has a Dark Angel marathon on. Remember that show? Produced by James Cameron, Alba stars as a sort of bionic woman. It's also the answer to the question "Where the fuck did Jessica Alba come from?" Anyway, it reminded me that she is the worst actress in the world. Sometimes I forget, as I've basically never seen any of her movies (save like Sin City, but hammy, one-note acting doesn't really pop out in that film), but she is so horrible that you have to wonder how she ever got that first job, which allowed her to coast on hotness to this very day. Even single words, like "chill!" or "buddy" are endless grating and false when they spill from those lips of hers. I know I'm just supposed to want to bang her or whatever, but I honestly cannot get past how shitty her movies are. It's like if they sold a single really nice shirt in Abercrombie & Fitch; I just can't brave the music and the homoeroticism long enough to get to it.

So, allow me to offer you some advice, Jess: Stop talking. Get some endorsement contracts, sell those baby pictures to a magazine, and only take small, small film parts. Save all that money, and that's it. You win, and are lusted after and rich and happy indefinitely. No more Into The Blues or Good Luck Chucks, please. Also, this way, we won't be having to stare at your withered, lifeless naked body in ten or 15 years when your appeal starts to slip and moths start flying out of your wallet every time you open it, and the only way to make the money you KNOW you DESERVE is to go all the way. Not that I'm thinking of anyone in particular [coughSHARONSTONEcoughcough].

Commenting Internationally

THEY SAID MY NAME ON THE BBC OMG. Originally I was going to act like embarrassed about this, and humble, but fuck that, because I was totally jumping up and down, in literal, actual fact.

Allow me to back up: they did some story about accents on the BBC World Service this morning, which I listen to most days, because I am totally gay for news. I had a thought relating to this story, so I sent them an email right away, knowing that they read these retarded, retarded listener emails on air all the goddamn time. AND! Not five minutes later, I hear "Chris . . . from New York says" and it was what I said, as they were READING MY EMAIL ON THE BBC. I realize that this is like the lamest of kind of reflected glory, but I don't care, because this is all I get, so fuck you.